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About Deviant Member Simyona DeanovaUnited States Group :iconabetterworld: ABetterWorld
 
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Had a slight hiccup with my computer yesterday, but it seems to have righted itself now. Found out yesterday that they found cancer cells in my grandfather's bloodstream now. My brother reminded us that our grandfather has had lots of blood tests in the last few days and they only just found the cancer cells yesterday, so there's still hope. It's still hard news to get, though. Cancer cells in the bloodstream is bad.

Had a weird bonding moment with my dad last night. My dad and my brother and I had some drinks together and my dad is a sad drunk. But I don't think the influence of the alcohol makes what happened any less real. My dad brought up, entirely on his own, some of the ways he treated me when I was younger; he expressed regret for those things and apologized for them, then he hugged me and cried. We both cried. I guess it's true what they say, things like this really help people realize what's important.

Much what my dad was feeling last night is obviously because of the situation with his dad, they are very close. It's a hard time for all of us. We aren't certain how much time he has left, it could be years or it could be months and none of us are ready for him to go yet. Realistically, we never would be. This makes it even more important to me that I get something published in a paying publication within the next year, because I know he really wants to see something of mine get published while he's still here. I also realized last night that I see my grandfather in a way I've never seen my dad: I want to make him proud, even though I know he already is. My grandfather's faith has bewildered and inspired me over the years; I don't believe everything he does, since he's a Baptist and I'm a Mystic, but I think he may be one of the best representations of God The Father that I have in my family right now.

I think I've begun to take after him with my devotion to Bible reading as well. Last night, while still under the influence, I pulled out my Bible and looked up prayers to read.

Sorry, I'm jumping around a bit now, but I just remembered something else my dad told me last night. He didn't come out and say it directly, but his meaning was clear with the words he used. He essentially told me that, though my gender identity and expression would always bother him a little bit, he realized it wasn't really such a big deal, that it must be okay that I was like that because of how good and kind of a person I was. We then got into a discussion about all the amazing things God has done for us over the years. We compared notes for the times we should, by all rights, have died. Me with my car accident in '04, and not rolling when I should have going off the road a few weeks ago, as well as all my near misses. Him when he fell off the ladder in my brothers driveway a few years ago. He fell 15 feet, onto his back, on asphalt and hit his head as well.

My dad isn't the weeper that I am. I'll cry at anything, a movie with a sad ending, a movie with a happy ending, a touching scene that is either happy or sad, a really good, touching song (like Eminem's "Headlights"). I'll even cry over the plight of characters in a book I'm reading, etc. My dad is not that way, but he sobbed last night while we were hugging. It was hard for me to see but I was glad to see him get it out of his system. Afterward I told him the story of when I had The Darkness cast out of me and was healed of DID, and how, despite a couple of relapses, I am now strong enough that I don't have to fragment myself when things get stressful. He'd never heard that story before, apparently. I also told him of times I'd seen angels hovering over people.

Jumping to another topic again. This time is particularly hard for me, because the last time my grandfather had cancer I saw a vision, in real time, of God's hand resting on him and my grandfather, so I knew all would be well. This time I've not had such a vision, so I'm less certain. Is this his time? Or will he still be with us for several more years? I just don't know. This time I have to walk in darkness and just trust God no matter the outcome; that's a hard thing to do, but sometimes you just have to do it that way. Wow, it's getting close to 9:30 now and I still haven't eaten yet. I've been up since a little before 8, so I should probably eat breakfast now. Just had to write all this down. It helped.

S.D.
  • Mood: Tearful
  • Listening to: Anti-Flag and Rise Against
  • Reading: The Dream (Wells) and Starship Troopers (Heinlen)
What would happen if a villain's alignment shifted over the course of the story, putting her on a team with the hero, collaborating to take out the people who hired her to draw out and capture the hero so she could deliver said hero to said people? And what would happen if slightly more neutral characters from the villain's past entered the fray, offering further assistance to said hero and said villain in an epic showdown to take down an entire organization of people? Just one of many questions I hope to play with in my new writing project.

S.D.
  • Mood: Worried
  • Listening to: The Dollyrots: Satellite
  • Reading: The Dream (Wells) and Starship Troopers (Heinlen)
So apparently that new webcomic I found to read hasn't been updated in 3 years. I already finished the whole thing today, well, what they have of it. I still don't know if the crossdressing Mikhail ends up falling for the normal guy, Perren, who is having him "pretend" to be his girlfriend yet behaves like he actually has feelings for him. Frustrating.

S.D.

(spending a couple days at Shannon's apartment. we've had a few....uh..."heated" moments. If only we were already married.)
  • Mood: Passionate
  • Reading: Days of Future Past and The Poem Of The Cid
  • Watching: Supernatural
crossdressingcrisis.smackjeeve… Enjoy the view. I certainly do.

S.D.

(not sure if I've ever mentioned this before, but when I mark "neutral" as my mood I'm usually not actually feeling neutral, I just don't know how to identify what I'm feeling.)
  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: The Dollyrots: Messed Up Xmas
  • Reading: Days of Future Past and The Poem Of The Cid
Such a beautiful boy
With eyes so green, like fresh morning grass
Hair so long and smooth, spilling over your shoulders
Like water over a rock
It frames your freckled face so perfectly
Making you a sight to behold.

You have no breasts to fill your blouse
But you are beautiful just the same
Your fingers are so long and thin, you keep your nails
So smooth and trimmed, is it any wonder your hands
Fit so well in mine?

Your legs, so creamy smooth, look so proud to protrude
From the hem of your skirt, the knees so unselfconscious
As they bend and flex with your every move.

Such a beautiful boy
Smile for me, part those pretty lips
Let me see the shine of sun on those teeth.

Such a beautiful boy
It’s like you were made just for me.
Oh So Pretty
Yes, it is essentially a pov love poem to a pretty crossdresser. What inspired it? A desktop background on my computer. That and a desire to write something about a crossdresser in the heat of the moment.
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Had a slight hiccup with my computer yesterday, but it seems to have righted itself now. Found out yesterday that they found cancer cells in my grandfather's bloodstream now. My brother reminded us that our grandfather has had lots of blood tests in the last few days and they only just found the cancer cells yesterday, so there's still hope. It's still hard news to get, though. Cancer cells in the bloodstream is bad.

Had a weird bonding moment with my dad last night. My dad and my brother and I had some drinks together and my dad is a sad drunk. But I don't think the influence of the alcohol makes what happened any less real. My dad brought up, entirely on his own, some of the ways he treated me when I was younger; he expressed regret for those things and apologized for them, then he hugged me and cried. We both cried. I guess it's true what they say, things like this really help people realize what's important.

Much what my dad was feeling last night is obviously because of the situation with his dad, they are very close. It's a hard time for all of us. We aren't certain how much time he has left, it could be years or it could be months and none of us are ready for him to go yet. Realistically, we never would be. This makes it even more important to me that I get something published in a paying publication within the next year, because I know he really wants to see something of mine get published while he's still here. I also realized last night that I see my grandfather in a way I've never seen my dad: I want to make him proud, even though I know he already is. My grandfather's faith has bewildered and inspired me over the years; I don't believe everything he does, since he's a Baptist and I'm a Mystic, but I think he may be one of the best representations of God The Father that I have in my family right now.

I think I've begun to take after him with my devotion to Bible reading as well. Last night, while still under the influence, I pulled out my Bible and looked up prayers to read.

Sorry, I'm jumping around a bit now, but I just remembered something else my dad told me last night. He didn't come out and say it directly, but his meaning was clear with the words he used. He essentially told me that, though my gender identity and expression would always bother him a little bit, he realized it wasn't really such a big deal, that it must be okay that I was like that because of how good and kind of a person I was. We then got into a discussion about all the amazing things God has done for us over the years. We compared notes for the times we should, by all rights, have died. Me with my car accident in '04, and not rolling when I should have going off the road a few weeks ago, as well as all my near misses. Him when he fell off the ladder in my brothers driveway a few years ago. He fell 15 feet, onto his back, on asphalt and hit his head as well.

My dad isn't the weeper that I am. I'll cry at anything, a movie with a sad ending, a movie with a happy ending, a touching scene that is either happy or sad, a really good, touching song (like Eminem's "Headlights"). I'll even cry over the plight of characters in a book I'm reading, etc. My dad is not that way, but he sobbed last night while we were hugging. It was hard for me to see but I was glad to see him get it out of his system. Afterward I told him the story of when I had The Darkness cast out of me and was healed of DID, and how, despite a couple of relapses, I am now strong enough that I don't have to fragment myself when things get stressful. He'd never heard that story before, apparently. I also told him of times I'd seen angels hovering over people.

Jumping to another topic again. This time is particularly hard for me, because the last time my grandfather had cancer I saw a vision, in real time, of God's hand resting on him and my grandfather, so I knew all would be well. This time I've not had such a vision, so I'm less certain. Is this his time? Or will he still be with us for several more years? I just don't know. This time I have to walk in darkness and just trust God no matter the outcome; that's a hard thing to do, but sometimes you just have to do it that way. Wow, it's getting close to 9:30 now and I still haven't eaten yet. I've been up since a little before 8, so I should probably eat breakfast now. Just had to write all this down. It helped.

S.D.
  • Mood: Tearful
  • Listening to: Anti-Flag and Rise Against
  • Reading: The Dream (Wells) and Starship Troopers (Heinlen)

deviantID

daddyslittlejanegirl
Simyona Deanova
United States
I'm a pansexual, non-op transexual, Emo/Goth with high-functioning Autism. Religiously, I'm a Christian Mystic. In short, I'm complicated. Descriptions are actually pretty boring, like this one. So if you want elaboration, read my stuff and/or talk to me directly.

Current Residence: F.C., IL
Favourite genre of music: Could you be more specific?
MP3 player of choice: I don't now, nor will I ever own an MP3.
Shell of choice: What's THAT supposed to mean?!
Skin of choice: ?
Favourite cartoon character: Garfield the cat
Personal Quote: "Money cannot purchase honor." -Fremen saying
Interests

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:iconkajm:
Kajm Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday!
Reply
:icondaddyslittlejanegirl:
daddyslittlejanegirl Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2014
thank you. Sorry for the delayed response. I've have connectivity issues since Thursday and am currently using a family member's computer. I'm hoping to have the issue resolved soon.
Reply
:icona-l-connor:
a-l-connor Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013
Sorry to randomly pop in without any prior introduction, but I happened to noticed that one of your favourite drawings here is one titled "Here Comes the Bride." As this picture includes me, so to speak, I couldn't help but contact you... 

Do you by any chance know "someone" (an internet troll, character in many different respects, in all kinds of stories, etc...he was a lot of things) by the name of Fredrick? He also went by Freddy, and would've likely taken the last name Macvarian. I'm looking for this person, but have yet to find any trace of them other than via this image. Hopefully you can help me...
Reply
:icondaddyslittlejanegirl:
daddyslittlejanegirl Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013
I don't think so, but it's probably been a while since I faved that drawing. And I mostly pay attention to the art itself when I fave things. I hope you find this person you're searching for though. Sounds pretty serious.
Reply
:icona-l-connor:
a-l-connor Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2013
it was for a long time. the person i'm looking for actually was the artist that drew that, but his/her (its confusing) account has since gone quiet for years. i've been trawling the internet looking for any account of theirs, but thus far this is the closest i have come. *sigh*
Reply
:icondaddyslittlejanegirl:
daddyslittlejanegirl Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2013
I'm sorry to hear that.
Reply
:iconmushu-xiii:
Mushu-XIII Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013   Photographer
I Am No Longer Dead! ;D
Reply
:icondaddyslittlejanegirl:
daddyslittlejanegirl Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013
Yayyy!!!!
Reply
:iconmushu-xiii:
Mushu-XIII Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2013   Photographer
So How's DaddysGirl Been? :)
Reply
:icondaddyslittlejanegirl:
daddyslittlejanegirl Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013
Mostly frustrated, but with occasional happy spots.
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